Out with a whimper

A welcome stress free trip to Billericay yesterday due to the rare occasion of Maidenhead United being safe on the final day of the season. As such it was carnival time with the welcome tradition of the final away trip made in fancy dress. Despite the reservations of some this to me is a perfect antidote for the overbearing pomposity of those who cannot acknowledge that football is nothing more than a leisure pursuit. It also demonstrates a refusal to conform to the half scarf, full kit wearing consumer identity becoming depressingly familiar throughout the English game.

Although the Magpies could not match the marvellous penguins of Hartlepool United (above) , there was a good showing in a range of outfits, including two Noddy Holders. 

Don't fear the reaper

On a more serious note, with Billericay already relegated, the services of the Grim Reaper were still required and he spent the train journey silently meditating under his cowl to prepare for the solemn rites which he would have to perform that afternoon.Arriving at Billericay we had plenty of time to enjoy the High Street with its many pubs. Everywhere we went we were greeted warmly aside from the woman who was worried about the soul of the reaper and wanted to open his heart to Jesus which was worrying as I would have thought she would have been aware of the key role he has to play at Armageddon as detailed in the Book of Revelations. The raggle taggle army of Maidenhead fans ebbed and flowed towards the ground with unfortunately the final walk to New Lodge being showered with rain. Inside the ground just ahead of kick off it was clear that this would be a match too far for United, with Curtis Ujah injured pre match leading to Tom Gilbey being called into the team in what was the definition of a makeshift defence. Having something of a point to prove after their narrow defeat at York Road in February, 'Ricay were on top for  most of the game, Billy Lumley being called into action early on to tip a Jay May shot over the bar in the fifth minute. With just over a quarter of an hour gone May went on to score what proved to be the only goal of the game when he took advantage of a defensive mix up to smash home the winner off the cross bar.

The Great Dictators

As befits a relegated team, Billericay weren't exactly solid at the back but Maidenhead spurned a golden chance to equalise when following some good work from Daniel Brown and Reece Tison-Lascaris, Chris Flood somehow managed to snatch the miss of the season from Richard Pacquette's grasp by ballooning the ball over from virtually under the crossbar. It really did seem easier to score. Later in the half Michael Pook had a free kick tipped over the bar but Billericay could well have doubled their lead just ahead of the break when a Lumley block fell to an attacker who blasted the ball wide.

After the interval the game continued in a similar fashion, but as the half drew on Maidenhead fought harder to find an equaliser, a lovely pass from Brown putting David Pratt in the clear only for his shot to hit the cross bar with seventeen minutes remaining.

Cum on feel the noize

A late free kick cried out for the watching Alex Wall to leap onto the pitch and score but it was somehow appropriate that the game finished 1-0 to Billericay to leave Maidenhead in a final place of fourth bottom. A win would have seen the Magpies rise to fourteenth but this would have been a false reflection of a season which promised much in patches but sadly only served to deliver a fourth consecutive campaign of struggle. Many a time over the last nine and a half months, the comment "we're a top ten team" has been made. That may have been true on the occasion of some of the better performances but the league table doesn't lie.The fact is that better discipline and fitness has led to the improvement required to stay up, but without consistency the feats of the similarly supported and funded Weston-super-mare in challenging for the play offs are far away.The first priority must be to build a defence which is capable of lasting the season to avoid the problem caused by patching it up with loan signings and itinerant players looking for match fitness to secure a move. Today's signing of Curtis Ujah is a step in the right direction. All things being equal the first eleven might be good enough on paper for this level but without the fringe players challenging for places its all too easy to slip into the losing runs which are an unfortunate trademark of Drax's reign at York Road. A positive element of the Conference South which has now developed is that all the sleeping giants in the feeder leagues seem to have risen back to their natural level leaving a division divided into three: those with serious title ambitions with the appropriate support and infrastructure, those whose status is secure and the stragglers. This has seen the division take on the characteristics of the Isthmian League Premier which preceded it, Maidenhead's position in the latter group at least helped by the fact that the newly promoted clubs also look destined to struggle. With this likely to continue next season, the club must prioritise the two FA competitions. As the team is likely to lose more league games than it wins, cup runs in these national high profile competitions are vital to raise the morale of everyone at the club. The prize money is not to be sniffed at either. The best eleven must play in these games, regardless of up coming league fixtures, with midweek games being moved where possible to accommodate proper rest and recuperation. A little bit of glory goes a long away in salving the pain of dropping points week in week out.

Where's Wally?

Wall dogs Essex boys again

Was over the moon just to be able to go to a Saturday football match again yesterday after bad weather and illness had kept me housebound for the last month. Despite the hyperbolic pre match assertion from the Advertiser that this was a must win game for Maidenhead, I would have been more than happy with a draw as I felt it was more a case of "must not lose" to a Billericay team who have struggled to make the transition to Conference South football and like United were mired in the morass which has seen as many fourteen teams consistently fail to remove the threat of two defeats potentially leading to the opportunity to knock boots with Truro City in the bottom three. As things stand there are so many clubs involved in the scrap to avoid filling the other two relegation positions its clear nothing will be settled for a while with United's return fixture at Billericay on the final day of the season likely to carry more weight.

As it happened, perhaps because of rather than in spite of the sticky dog that is the York Road pitch, the match almost turned out to be as thrilling as my last visit to York Road on the first Saturday of 2013. Coincidentally this was also against opposition from Essex and watched in the presence of Charlie the dog who must be sniffing at moans about Maidenhead's poor home form as he now boasts a record of attended two won two at York Road.Once again it was Alex Wall who proved to be the key man for the Magpies, but this was a more rounded performance than the one against Chelmsford as the striker, despite being up front on his own for most of the game, showed his value not just as a goalscorer but also as a player prepared to go out wide looking for the ball to provide opportunities for his team mates.

Wall's presence was felt from the kick off as he inspired an opening Magpie onslaught that was unfortunate only to finish in a one goal lead. Within three minutes the stage was set for him to continue his recent run of scoring from a free kick, a thumping drive being blocked somewhat unwittingly by goalkeeper Sam Beasant. I suggested to his dad Dave that this was a good save, his only response was "good strike" but minutes later Beasant Junior showed rather more intention with a save at full stretch from a second Wall effort from the edge of the penalty area. By the eighth minute though Wall was determined not to be denied, this time taking the ball around Beasant to slot the ball into an empty net. Wall almost got the opportunity to double the lead soon after only for top map reader Chris Wild to get just enough on a Chris Flood cross to nick the ball away from the striker.

Maidenhead's rampage now ran out of steam and it was Billericay's turn to assert their rather ugly imprint on the game. In a style that would have met with the approval of former crazy gang member Beasant senior, the ball continued to be pumped into the United penalty area at every opportunity with the long throws of Wild ensuring there was no let up in the pressure. These attacks were invevitably accompanied with a background of outrage from the good travelling following behind the goal, as they vainly appealed for a foul at the merest hint of a  Magpie transgression.

Billericay were characterised by the ugly sisters of Rob Swaine and Wild in the centre of their defence. Two mountains of manhood, forthright in their views about the shortcomings of everyone including their teammates, and invariably involved in most of the games key incidents.In Wild's case this included a case of indecent exposure when he changed his shorts on the touchline. It was then the turn of the ardent Swaine to make his mark, heading the equaliser from a corner after Billy Lumley had tipped Dave Collis' free kick over the bar on the half hour mark.

It was now very definitely game on and although it was Maidenhead who were the better team on the ball, Billericay looked more threatening, Jay May running clear to draw a great save from Lumley, Paul Semakula capping a dire afternoon spent mostly moaning at the referee by firing the loose ball into the side netting seventeen minutes into the second half. It was at this point that Drax opted to change Maidenhead's shape bringing on David Pratt to support Wall up front.

Although the score remained deadlocked the heavy going underfoot and the attacking intention of both teams meant more goals were on the way, particularly when Town were forced to bring on Antone Douglas at right back, a player for whom the Billericay bench looked to be the height of his potential. The first to strike were Maidenhead who regained their lead with thirteen minutes left when Michael Pook swung a corner in from the left which was flicked on by Pratt at the near post to Wall who took advantage of his freedom granted by a sleepy left back to sweep the ball home. Yet given the history of this fixture more goals were due, it was simply a question of which memory would be evoked? Would it be one of John Watt defiantly punching the air after Mark Harrison salvaged a deserved point in December 1995, or the despair of Alan Devonshire when Billericay scored twice in stoppage time to steal a win in December 2000?

Billericay staked their claim to posterity with four minutes left when in between appeals for a penalty Town concluded a goal mouth scramble successfully when May put the loose ball in the back of the net to equalise. Still neither side settled for a point and as the clock ticked into injury time Lumley launched the ball forward to Wall on the left who played a lovely pass to put substitute Reece Tison-Lascaris in the clear, the young substitute curling in a delightful finish which saw the ball beat the keeper then arc into the corner to nestle in the back of the net to the cheers of the Bell Street end.

Three points for the Magpies was a fair reward for their continued attacking endeavour perpetually inspired by Wall although Billericay will feel hard done by having worked so hard to get back on level terms twice. The result may have lifted United up to eleventh but the key statistic remains the number of points above third bottom which still remains uncomfortably small enough for Billericay who now lie twenty first to have plenty of hope of survival.

Billericay feeling Dickie

Billericay Town is a club that automatically takes me back to the Magpies' days in the Isthmian League. They were always a good yardstick to measure how good United were in any one season with stand out memories being the wins home and away against the Blues in their 1998 Division One promotion season, the latter win in Essex being inspired from the unlikely quarter of Clayton Whittle and the heroic Andy Robertson who ended up in hospital with a broken arm. There were doubles of different varieties in future seasons. Firstly in 2000 an amazing Billy Cove strike at the Lodge was United's only goal in two League Cup semi final legs which were both drawn, Doncaster Rovers' Adam Lockwood featuring in the Maidenehad defence as a loan player from his then employers Reading. The tie therefore went to penalties with goalkeeper Garath Ormshaw firing United through to the final by taking the last kick himself. A few months later and Maidenhead had joined Billericay in the Premier Division but this time it was the Blues who gave the Magpies a memorable footballing lesson in the standards required to prosper at the new level.

Fast forward to 2011 and a Maidenhead team without a win in November was set to face a Billericay side top of the Isthmian League on the back of a 5-0 demolition of Horsham in midweek. The scene was set for Billericay to establish their Alliance South credentials against the team bottom of the form table, a positive outcome for Essex looking likely as the Maidenhead team was weakened by the suspension of Bobby Behzadi and injuries to the likes of Jon Scarborough and Will Hendry. Add in overnight illness to Joe Crook which prevented him from making his full debut, a seventeen year old starting a first team game for the first time at centre back in Devante McKain and Nevin Saroya being prevented from getting game time lower down the pyramid due to Leigh Henry's new fatherhood,  and you had on the face of it a Maidenhead team there for the taking.

As is the style in the Isthmian league Billericay tore into their opponents with a high tempo approach, displaying a penchant for set pieces in the final third with full backs from the Delap school of throw ins. They regularly threatened the Maidenhead goal throughout the first half with balls across the six yard box but couldn't quite get on the end of any of the crosses to trouble Billy Lumley in the United goal.

After 20 minutes Maidenhead launched what turned out to be the crucial attacking phase of play. It started with a rehearsal, Ashan Holgate laying the ball off to Alex Wall whose shot was turned round the post by the beautifully named Town custodian Dale Brightly. Two minutes later Reece Tison-Lascaris was the recipient of a Holgate short pass and this time the promising youngster finished his tricky run with a finish to match to score.

The rest of the half was characterised by Billericay furiously claiming every infringement no matter how minor. A surprisingly lenient referee Nigel Lugg seemed happy to subject himself to a barrage of effing and jeffing every time he ruled in Maidenhead's favour, with Richard Halle on the pitch and manager Craig Edwards off it fortunate not to be cautioned for their frequent protests which were mirrored by the away support.

At the restart Billericay pushed hard for an equaliser but their early efforts came to naught. The introduction of Manny Williams and Martel Powell saw Maidenhead enjoy a spell when they might have doubled their lead but the stage was set for Billericay to give it the kitchen sink treatment in the final stages to try and force a replay. Most of their attacking endeavours were now coming from either wing, Junior Luke blazing a trail down the right whilst Harrison Chatting was left in acres of space on the other flank. The defensive unit of Rose, Saroya, McKain and Solomon held firm for the most part although the post was required to deny Chatting, and Worsfold cleared off the line from a corner which followed soon after.

Billericay had one card left to play in the form of Chris Wild who must have been eager to prove the law of the ex after finishing his Maidenhead career in ignominy at Histon in 2006 arguing mid game with supporters who unlike Wild had managed to arrive by kick off despite having to endure a rail replacement bus journey. This symbol of the club's most Fred Karnoesque of incarnations almost had the last laugh though with a powerful header from a last minute corner. Fortunately Lumley was up to the task of catching the ball with a graceful dive and Maidenhead survived four minutes of stoppage time to earn £4,000 and a place in the first round proper of the FA Trophy on Saturday December 10th. After a much awaited midweek break the team must bring their cup form to the table next Saturday against Dorchester to try and start climbing the table again.